I just came back from a meeting at the school board today. It was an election for a student trustee for Brampton and Mississauga schools. One representative from each district. I wasn't running for the election, I was simply a voter. I feel inspired after listening to the speeches of students just like me. It strikes me that most people can make a difference, and that I could be one of these people, if I didn't let my own insecurities and demons weigh me down. All I want to do is stop wishing, and just act already.
It was three years ago that I experienced something that has changed me forever. I often tell myself that I have let go of this, and that it bothers me no longer. But truth be told, it comes to haunt me once in a while. It was one weekend when my confidence and trust were crushed by someone that I loved. I built up my walls and took my anger, confusion and pain out on people that didn't deserve it. I felt as if everything was my fault, although when I look back on it now, it isn't in the least. I can say that this experience has left me with a heavy heart and countless insecurities. It made me hate myself and my family. I can say that I truly hate this person for scarring my past and my perception. But it's not true. I can't hate them no matter what pain I felt. But I keep walls between me and them, that's just where they belong. I think I would be different if all of this didn't happen. But I wouldn't have learned one of the most important lessons - to trust God, not only in the light, but in the darkness. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I was broken for a long, long time. I can admit that now. But I am no longer going to let this hold me back from living. I'm going to let go of all these doubts, fears and insecurities that I've been harbouring. I'm going to let God transform this heart of stone that's been weighing me down. Self-improvement. With God's help, I can become the person that he wants me to be. When I direct myself, I become lost and misleaded by the false appeals of the world. If I just hand over the steering wheel to God now, I'm sure I cannot go wrong.
It's cliche, but really, whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. We all have our share of experiences. A good friend once told me that it doesn't matter if this experience seems big or small to others - the pain can be the same. We're all here to make each other's lives easier. I'm not very good at listening, but I'm going to do my best to help people with their problems. I've been so self-absorbed and focused on the bad things, that I didn't see all the good I have in my life. I have no reason to complain.
I know, my writing's just as random as I am on my happy "hug-everyone" days.
Spread the love,
sb
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